Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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