Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
