Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
