super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
