Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
