i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
