you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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