My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
