what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
