it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
