Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
