google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
