If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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