I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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