you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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