There was a lot of him and a little penis
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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