Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
