I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
