Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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