things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Two words: nipple clamps
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