Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
