I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
