shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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