I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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