I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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