just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
