I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
