my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
