He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
