she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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