Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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