I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
