My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
