I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
