Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I will be naked everywhere
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
