I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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