I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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