do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
