Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
