I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
