I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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