Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
