he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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