This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
