Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
