saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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