i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
