The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
