Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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