I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
