Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
