We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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